I haven't really blogged about this much, but I have been going through a phased return to work after an ME/CFS crash a while ago. It has been fraught with pitfalls and disturbing situations, but I hope we are now someway to sorting all this out and sanity resuming! I am seriously hoping for a reduction in the stress that I have had to endure over the last, erm, well...... 11months all in all!
What I was striving for was a return to full time hours. The powers that be were not very keen to let me do this, and I don't think it has much to do with their concern for my health!
It's immensely hard to have such a huge knock to your health-an ME/CFS crash, and to have to try to make it back to work. Then to have to go through situations which question your work, your honesty about your health and to have to endure comments which are at best discriminatory is really piling on the pressure. All the pay, conditions and decisions are taken out of your hands and the only one who knows how you and your body is coping -you- is not consulted! All this with the weight of an elephant in your holdall!
When I look at it like this I think it's a small miracle that I have managed any recovery from the 'crash of '09' at all! In my brain-fogged state it is often easy to sit and ponder why this crash has been so much more difficult to return from, and to assume that it is because of a worsening of my ME/CFS or even (God forbid!) that I'm not a spring chicken any more!
This illness is so complicated and reactive to stress. This crash and subsequent climb back have been my longest and most difficult to date, due in no small part to the 'stressful' feel of the process specifically put in place to aid and enable my return to work. CRAZY!
I am sure however, that this process goes quite smoothly for some people, and if all advice from GP's or Occupational Health is respected by the bosses it can have great results. Unfortunately it is the patient/employee who suffers when this does not happen. I can only speak about the process as it was for me.
It would be easy (but not advisable) for me to point fingers of blame and resort to a bit of dirt-dishing, but I won't. I want only what I have wanted all along, for my elephant and I to return to work and to be able to just get on with the job I love to the best of 'our' ability.
Showing posts with label brain fog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brain fog. Show all posts
Saturday, 15 January 2011
Monday, 30 August 2010
My Brain Scares Me Sometimes!
I'm missing my holidays, yes I have only worked 2 days per week over the summer, but I've had possibly the most stressful 6 weeks ever!
There have been work stresses which have meant late evening phone calls, conversations which need brain power and concentration in spade loads. Exhausting!
My husband has been doing fencing, making gates etc, for his pigs. This has meant I (and it has to be me because he doesn't drive) have spent many hours going here and there on some errand or another. Buying, sourcing, fetching and carrying bolts, wire, screws, wood, hay, pig food etc etc etc....the list seems endless! Exhausting!
Looking after the pony and carriage, meeting the farrier etc. Being taxi driver for Ben to go back and forth to work at the stable, and his riding lessons. Exhausting!
Trying to cope with family life over the summer, demands v pacing/resting. Need I say more, I know you're all nodding sagely.
Organised a 16th birthday for my son, which I don't begrudge the guy at all, but it's.... wait for it......... Exhausting!
Looking at it all it's little wonder I'm as frazzled as I am, it's a formidable and daunting list. All this mixed in with a hubby who, at times, is a good way short of being understanding, and the general day to day activities that I normally manage.
I think I've done fairly well to still be upright by now!
It is all very stressful, and I feel that stress bodily and mentally, but mostly cognitively. I can forget within a nano-second what I was doing or saying. This is OK when it's something like "which load of washing was I putting in the machine?" But when it's something a bit more important (not that clean clothes aren't important you understand!) such as, when driving, which pedal is the brake? Boy it sometimes scares the pants off me!
That particular lapse has only happened once, just yesterday, and I'm still reeling from the feeling of panic. Having to check in my mirror then take both feet off the pedals and re-evaluate what I was asking them to do. The possible consequences are too much to think about. In fact most things are just now!
These cognitive challenges are a whole post on their own, but the point of this one, I think, is to tie my concrete-headedness in with the difficult times of late. Much as I try not to admit it, I can't handle stress like I used to, and it's getting worse.
There are some difficult times ahead, my son starts college and later this week there is a meeting at work that I would much rather never needed to happen. I am seriously wondering how much longer I will be able to sustain the upright version of me.....!
I hope I can, it's a much better version than the pyjama'd and horizontal one that threatens to rear her 'ugly' head!
I hope, oh faithful and determined reader, that our respective 'worlds' are kind to us this week, and our brains can keep up!!!!!!
There have been work stresses which have meant late evening phone calls, conversations which need brain power and concentration in spade loads. Exhausting!
My husband has been doing fencing, making gates etc, for his pigs. This has meant I (and it has to be me because he doesn't drive) have spent many hours going here and there on some errand or another. Buying, sourcing, fetching and carrying bolts, wire, screws, wood, hay, pig food etc etc etc....the list seems endless! Exhausting!
Looking after the pony and carriage, meeting the farrier etc. Being taxi driver for Ben to go back and forth to work at the stable, and his riding lessons. Exhausting!
Trying to cope with family life over the summer, demands v pacing/resting. Need I say more, I know you're all nodding sagely.
Organised a 16th birthday for my son, which I don't begrudge the guy at all, but it's.... wait for it......... Exhausting!
Looking at it all it's little wonder I'm as frazzled as I am, it's a formidable and daunting list. All this mixed in with a hubby who, at times, is a good way short of being understanding, and the general day to day activities that I normally manage.
I think I've done fairly well to still be upright by now!
It is all very stressful, and I feel that stress bodily and mentally, but mostly cognitively. I can forget within a nano-second what I was doing or saying. This is OK when it's something like "which load of washing was I putting in the machine?" But when it's something a bit more important (not that clean clothes aren't important you understand!) such as, when driving, which pedal is the brake? Boy it sometimes scares the pants off me!
That particular lapse has only happened once, just yesterday, and I'm still reeling from the feeling of panic. Having to check in my mirror then take both feet off the pedals and re-evaluate what I was asking them to do. The possible consequences are too much to think about. In fact most things are just now!
These cognitive challenges are a whole post on their own, but the point of this one, I think, is to tie my concrete-headedness in with the difficult times of late. Much as I try not to admit it, I can't handle stress like I used to, and it's getting worse.
There are some difficult times ahead, my son starts college and later this week there is a meeting at work that I would much rather never needed to happen. I am seriously wondering how much longer I will be able to sustain the upright version of me.....!
I hope I can, it's a much better version than the pyjama'd and horizontal one that threatens to rear her 'ugly' head!
I hope, oh faithful and determined reader, that our respective 'worlds' are kind to us this week, and our brains can keep up!!!!!!
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Thought Stream
Hey it seems like AGES since I wrote anything, it's not been through choice, but life has been keeping me busy, with not much cognitive 'oomph' to spare! I work just two days a week at the moment, and have been trying to keep up with family life and demands over the school holidays.
There is a pretty stressful work situation that has been brewing nicely for the last few months, and is now really taking it's toll on my head and it's tendency to 'jam'. There have been lots of anxious times, and some stressful encounters to try to get through. I am hoping that it will be nearer to it's conclusion next week. Fingers crossed for me! (Cos, if it goes on much longer I dunno if I will have the 'mojo' to keep up with it!)
My son is now 16! I am so proud of him, and the obstacles he overcomes- life has it's challenges for him too. He gained 7 GCSE's and is now looking forward to starting at college soon. He is heavily into horses and riding so he's off to do a horse care course.
Pigs are my husband's latest obsession, or more accurately two Kune Kune weaners (FYI- this is what they're called before they have their first litter) called Agnes and Winnie.
They are both quite nice girls, very affectionate and love a good belly scratch! They eat ALL my non-meat kitchen and garden scraps and are so clean I can't believe it! I have never come across such inoffensive creatures in my life. Think we humans could take a leaf outta their book!
But, having said that, have you ever tried to give a weaner an injection (shot!)? They're not quite so inoffensive then!
When I say obsession, I mean it! Hubby has turned into a 'pig-bore', he even has a webcam set up in their shed so he can see what they're up to 24/7!!! I think there has to be some kind of law against pig-cam, but he is LOVING it! Just looks like a lot of snoring, snoozing and scratching to me though!!! Perhaps that's what he likes about them!??!!
There is no point to this post, just a waffle- sorry if you were on the edge of your seat waiting for the deep and meaningful! It's just not going to happen today!
Health wise, (and I suppose we always have something to say on the matter hey!?) I am struggling with what I suspect will turn out to be Interstitial Cystitis. If you are with me on this one you'll know just what I'm talking about.....! My GP was going to give me something to help with it, but I am heavily against taking drugs until I have tried all other avenues, so I'll rethink this after giving some other lifestyle and diet changes a try first.
My stamina is low, my heartrate high, my head full of concrete and my body heavy, (Well, I suppose the 'head-concrete doesn't help.....!) I'm feeling just a teensy weensy bit frustrated as I'd really like to be boiling beetroots for pickling and making damson jam. But, instead of this I'm laying as flat as possible, TRYING to rest and type...!
I'm having an "oh woe is me" moment, no apologies! I know it'll pass and lets face it, we all have them!
There is a pretty stressful work situation that has been brewing nicely for the last few months, and is now really taking it's toll on my head and it's tendency to 'jam'. There have been lots of anxious times, and some stressful encounters to try to get through. I am hoping that it will be nearer to it's conclusion next week. Fingers crossed for me! (Cos, if it goes on much longer I dunno if I will have the 'mojo' to keep up with it!)
My son is now 16! I am so proud of him, and the obstacles he overcomes- life has it's challenges for him too. He gained 7 GCSE's and is now looking forward to starting at college soon. He is heavily into horses and riding so he's off to do a horse care course.
Pigs are my husband's latest obsession, or more accurately two Kune Kune weaners (FYI- this is what they're called before they have their first litter) called Agnes and Winnie.
They are both quite nice girls, very affectionate and love a good belly scratch! They eat ALL my non-meat kitchen and garden scraps and are so clean I can't believe it! I have never come across such inoffensive creatures in my life. Think we humans could take a leaf outta their book!
But, having said that, have you ever tried to give a weaner an injection (shot!)? They're not quite so inoffensive then!
When I say obsession, I mean it! Hubby has turned into a 'pig-bore', he even has a webcam set up in their shed so he can see what they're up to 24/7!!! I think there has to be some kind of law against pig-cam, but he is LOVING it! Just looks like a lot of snoring, snoozing and scratching to me though!!! Perhaps that's what he likes about them!??!!
There is no point to this post, just a waffle- sorry if you were on the edge of your seat waiting for the deep and meaningful! It's just not going to happen today!
Health wise, (and I suppose we always have something to say on the matter hey!?) I am struggling with what I suspect will turn out to be Interstitial Cystitis. If you are with me on this one you'll know just what I'm talking about.....! My GP was going to give me something to help with it, but I am heavily against taking drugs until I have tried all other avenues, so I'll rethink this after giving some other lifestyle and diet changes a try first.
My stamina is low, my heartrate high, my head full of concrete and my body heavy, (Well, I suppose the 'head-concrete doesn't help.....!) I'm feeling just a teensy weensy bit frustrated as I'd really like to be boiling beetroots for pickling and making damson jam. But, instead of this I'm laying as flat as possible, TRYING to rest and type...!
I'm having an "oh woe is me" moment, no apologies! I know it'll pass and lets face it, we all have them!
Saturday, 14 August 2010
Lost the plot!
Just can't seem to come up with anything interesting or even mildly diverting today, my head is creating a world of it's own and doesn't seem to have let me in on the plot!
I tried to talk to my friend last evening but the words just would not come, too hard to get them in my head, ordered, and spoken in a sensible and coherent way! Poor girl, she had to keep breaking the silence herself, whereas normally I can be relied upon to waffle on for Britain! I managed a few sentences of 'cocktail party' type chat, but nothing meaningful!! Sorry A!
This morning I tried to have a reasoned and sensible talk with my hubby, but I couldn't manage to make what was in my head come out of my mouth. Now, he'll tell you that is not something I usually have an issue with! Ha!
I really had trouble forming the thoughts and finding the words, it was worse than normal, and much more frustrating because I really wanted/needed to talk to him this morning. (Not that I don't at any other time you understand!)
'Thinking through treacle' doesn't touch how it feels, nor does 'brain fog'. I may have to return to that tired old analogy of 'Concrete'! As some of you will know I have regular attacks of 'concrete-headed-ness' and it can be extremely debilitating. Trying to explain to hubby, through the concrete, that I couldn't get my thoughts and words sorted, without the thoughts or words needed for such an explanation, was nigh on impossible today. I just stumbled about a bit, saying goodness knows what and floundering! Doesn't make for a good start to the day.
It all seems to be much worse at the moment, which I think is probably due to some pretty stressful situations here and there, taking their toll on my health and little grey cells. It doesn't take much extra in the brain, to throw it completely and render me a useless lump of uncommunicative, tastefully pyjama'd wife!
When I'm stressed I need to be able to think things through, to work out possible consequences and how it may be best to deal with them. But instead I find all I am doing is trying to bludgeon my way through the concrete to thoughts which whirl and slide about, making me more frustrated and emotional than relaxed and sorted.
Hey ho! For someone who's thoughts are 'sleeping with the fishes' I've managed quite a long post.....sorry if it's rambled, but I guess you're used to me by now!
I tried to talk to my friend last evening but the words just would not come, too hard to get them in my head, ordered, and spoken in a sensible and coherent way! Poor girl, she had to keep breaking the silence herself, whereas normally I can be relied upon to waffle on for Britain! I managed a few sentences of 'cocktail party' type chat, but nothing meaningful!! Sorry A!
This morning I tried to have a reasoned and sensible talk with my hubby, but I couldn't manage to make what was in my head come out of my mouth. Now, he'll tell you that is not something I usually have an issue with! Ha!
I really had trouble forming the thoughts and finding the words, it was worse than normal, and much more frustrating because I really wanted/needed to talk to him this morning. (Not that I don't at any other time you understand!)
'Thinking through treacle' doesn't touch how it feels, nor does 'brain fog'. I may have to return to that tired old analogy of 'Concrete'! As some of you will know I have regular attacks of 'concrete-headed-ness' and it can be extremely debilitating. Trying to explain to hubby, through the concrete, that I couldn't get my thoughts and words sorted, without the thoughts or words needed for such an explanation, was nigh on impossible today. I just stumbled about a bit, saying goodness knows what and floundering! Doesn't make for a good start to the day.
It all seems to be much worse at the moment, which I think is probably due to some pretty stressful situations here and there, taking their toll on my health and little grey cells. It doesn't take much extra in the brain, to throw it completely and render me a useless lump of uncommunicative, tastefully pyjama'd wife!
When I'm stressed I need to be able to think things through, to work out possible consequences and how it may be best to deal with them. But instead I find all I am doing is trying to bludgeon my way through the concrete to thoughts which whirl and slide about, making me more frustrated and emotional than relaxed and sorted.
Hey ho! For someone who's thoughts are 'sleeping with the fishes' I've managed quite a long post.....sorry if it's rambled, but I guess you're used to me by now!
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Reality check!
I love to blog about doing lovely things, as in the last post, 'I Follow Humbly'. This is unfortunately not always the reality of life however. I managed that Lark Rise trip through careful planning and taking it easy in the days leading up to it, so that I could enjoy it. Thankfully it paid off and I had a great time.
Since that trip things have conspired to bring me back to earth with a 'thump'! It is sometimes my own doing, cos I push myself to my limits (and sometimes beyond em) but this time I am largely blameless!
Work has been more than usually stressful this last couple of months, building nicely into a semi permanent 'teetering on the edge of crash' state! I find I am unable to sort a particularly knotty issue out, caused by circumstances out of my control, all getting a bit much with this illness that hates stress.
Since that trip things have conspired to bring me back to earth with a 'thump'! It is sometimes my own doing, cos I push myself to my limits (and sometimes beyond em) but this time I am largely blameless!
Work has been more than usually stressful this last couple of months, building nicely into a semi permanent 'teetering on the edge of crash' state! I find I am unable to sort a particularly knotty issue out, caused by circumstances out of my control, all getting a bit much with this illness that hates stress.
Whilst my energy levels have been worse there are the usual culprits that appear when things aren't going so well. That bone crushing, aching tiredness and weakness that can stop you in your tracks sometimes- the body that's suddenly too heavy to take another step, and a brain that might be able to do the Times crossword one minute but can't find the words I need to complete a sentence the next, (sorry, that's not strictly true-I don't think I could do the Times crossword even when well!) Hearing sensitivities, tremors, muscle spasms and brain-fuzz of the most debilitating 'I can't remember what i am supposed to be saying' kind are also here and look like they're staying!
I am prone to muscle spasms in all sorts of odd places but my lower tummy has been really troublesome just lately, with horribly painful spasms and tension in the area around my pelvic floor muscles. I just cant relax them at all, night or day. Night is worse as lying down seems to make the pain more intense...no sleep for days now! Is this just my own brand of ME/CFS or do others get similar symptoms too?
Things aren't always good in anyone's life, they're sometimes very hard, painful, lonely and frustrating but I have an unshakeable faith that things do change, and hopefully for the better.
Will someone remind me of this please, when I'm mired in pain, fatigue and a basement low mood!? It's sure to happen, not as yet as I am definitely upbeat, but, as they say, "it's not over till the fat lady sings!" (But, don't worry, I'M keeping MY mouth firmly glued shut!!!!!)
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Concrete in the mist!
23- This is how many times I've started this post this morning....! Oh the things my head is and isn't doing today. It's a painful mess of whizzing/flickering thoughts, images and snippets of remembered sounds.
On days like these I can best describe my head as 'concrete' in the mist.....! The mist swirls with these unwanted and incredibly random thoughts and 'stuff'. If I try to navigate through this mist, to think properly, I eventually get to the concrete.....this is what has happened to the rest of my brain!
(It's now much later, it's exhausting this blogging, especially when someone has concreted the inside of my head!)
It feels physically heavy and 'set'. Not in a nice 'set yogurt' or 'jelly (jello)' kind of way, but definitely concrete.
Thinking and trying to be creative (blogging etc) through this is incredible, and I think i'm going on about it too much, but today I'm really struggling and have to admit to that! I can't remember a time it was ever this bad!
It's not going to be a post with a point, I'm just resigned to that after hours of trying to write and failing,......!
This is probably my most debilitating symptom, and certainly hard to describe to others, especially our nearest, dearest and interested others. Hubby has retreated, as he can see how tough i'm finding it today.
I hope you all have a concrete-free day!
On days like these I can best describe my head as 'concrete' in the mist.....! The mist swirls with these unwanted and incredibly random thoughts and 'stuff'. If I try to navigate through this mist, to think properly, I eventually get to the concrete.....this is what has happened to the rest of my brain!
(It's now much later, it's exhausting this blogging, especially when someone has concreted the inside of my head!)
It feels physically heavy and 'set'. Not in a nice 'set yogurt' or 'jelly (jello)' kind of way, but definitely concrete.
Thinking and trying to be creative (blogging etc) through this is incredible, and I think i'm going on about it too much, but today I'm really struggling and have to admit to that! I can't remember a time it was ever this bad!
It's not going to be a post with a point, I'm just resigned to that after hours of trying to write and failing,......!
This is probably my most debilitating symptom, and certainly hard to describe to others, especially our nearest, dearest and interested others. Hubby has retreated, as he can see how tough i'm finding it today.
I hope you all have a concrete-free day!
Friday, 2 July 2010
Headless again!
Ooh, I got myself in such a tizz yesterday! I was at the office, supposedly creating, saving and printing out a few diary sheets with records of my appointments for the last few weeks, on my computer.
I got in a real pickle as each time I'd saved a diary sheet on the computer, I'd instantly forget that I had, then I'd not remember if I'd printed it yet, and go look in my printer.
Then when I got back to the computer I'd not remember if I'd saved it, so I'd check, then....... did I already print this one? Back to the printer again to check!!!!!
It took me a very long time and lots of my already dwindling energy to complete just four sheets! Not great workload turnout!
I was so hooked up with trying to concentrate on my task, I forgot to think "Hey, this is hard, must be time to go home!"
The after effects are still with me, over the evening and last night my brain has gone to concrete again. Those of you who know me will have noticed I am back to writing just a couple of lines of text before I have to have a space, to help me 'get it'!
I won't even tell you how long I've been working on this post, or how many times I've read and re-read it as I've gone along.
My problems with the written word and the thoughts involved in writing/reading come and go. But don't they affect all parts of life when they're troublesome?
I have many funny stories about how I have made gaffs when working or at home, the written records I have ALMOST turned out etc..... And, if and when I can write em more easily, I may just share!!!
Here's to thinking through sludge, and it's many and varied little 'funnies'! Cos if we didn't laugh, we might just....... erm....... what was I saying?
I got in a real pickle as each time I'd saved a diary sheet on the computer, I'd instantly forget that I had, then I'd not remember if I'd printed it yet, and go look in my printer.
Then when I got back to the computer I'd not remember if I'd saved it, so I'd check, then....... did I already print this one? Back to the printer again to check!!!!!
It took me a very long time and lots of my already dwindling energy to complete just four sheets! Not great workload turnout!
I was so hooked up with trying to concentrate on my task, I forgot to think "Hey, this is hard, must be time to go home!"
The after effects are still with me, over the evening and last night my brain has gone to concrete again. Those of you who know me will have noticed I am back to writing just a couple of lines of text before I have to have a space, to help me 'get it'!
I won't even tell you how long I've been working on this post, or how many times I've read and re-read it as I've gone along.
My problems with the written word and the thoughts involved in writing/reading come and go. But don't they affect all parts of life when they're troublesome?
I have many funny stories about how I have made gaffs when working or at home, the written records I have ALMOST turned out etc..... And, if and when I can write em more easily, I may just share!!!
Here's to thinking through sludge, and it's many and varied little 'funnies'! Cos if we didn't laugh, we might just....... erm....... what was I saying?
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Brain...? What brain...?
AGH! I'm just about ready to sign up for a brain transplant! Just right now I'd cheerfully flick a switch to shut mine down completely.
For the last couple of days/nights, my brain has been in random thought and vision mode! I JUST CANNOT finish a thought, or even pursue it for more than a couple of seconds before it slips away from me. Pushed out by a randomly (or so it seems) created thought or mental picture.
Overnight I've been unable to sleep, but my head has been a constantly flickering blur of visions and thoughts that I have to admit I have no control over. (Pretty much like when Mr.H has control of the TV remote!) All efforts to concentrate on something, even a very familiar something, are as useless as a chocolate tea-pot!
I can't tell you how wearing this is, but I'm sure many of you don't need telling, and are probably nodding sagely as you read this! I'm at the stage where it hurts now-not an actual headache, but an uncomfortable 'stirred up' feeling that makes me want to retreat to a darkened room to wait it out. Life will not permit that today though!
Writing this has helped a little, calmed the maelstrom that rages inside. Another of the hidden delights of my condition I think..... "thanks!" It only happens occasionally but when it does it is devastating and sometimes lasts for more days than I'm happy to accept.
I'm afraid I have written this post, but, due to my dodgy concentration, can't manage to re-read it to see if it flows or there are any typos, so I'll trust spellchecker and you all!
Here's to calmer seas!
For the last couple of days/nights, my brain has been in random thought and vision mode! I JUST CANNOT finish a thought, or even pursue it for more than a couple of seconds before it slips away from me. Pushed out by a randomly (or so it seems) created thought or mental picture.
Overnight I've been unable to sleep, but my head has been a constantly flickering blur of visions and thoughts that I have to admit I have no control over. (Pretty much like when Mr.H has control of the TV remote!) All efforts to concentrate on something, even a very familiar something, are as useless as a chocolate tea-pot!
I can't tell you how wearing this is, but I'm sure many of you don't need telling, and are probably nodding sagely as you read this! I'm at the stage where it hurts now-not an actual headache, but an uncomfortable 'stirred up' feeling that makes me want to retreat to a darkened room to wait it out. Life will not permit that today though!
Writing this has helped a little, calmed the maelstrom that rages inside. Another of the hidden delights of my condition I think..... "thanks!" It only happens occasionally but when it does it is devastating and sometimes lasts for more days than I'm happy to accept.
I'm afraid I have written this post, but, due to my dodgy concentration, can't manage to re-read it to see if it flows or there are any typos, so I'll trust spellchecker and you all!
Here's to calmer seas!
Saturday, 29 May 2010
And, the credit goes to........
Just a post to keep in touch with you all, I am afraid that neurologically speaking I'm mush just now, so there will be no profound insights or adventurous 'people-meeting' from me for a little while.
I am so pleased to say 'Hi' to Kerry again, she has been quite unwell but is back in 'cyber-space' and blogging over at Lemonaide-online (link is on my blogroll). Her posts are always thoughtful and poignant...... if it's thoughtful and poignant you need, Kerry's your woman!
She has written her latest post, which I'm afraid to say I can't read at the moment, and I so want to, as the comments about it speak very highly! I'll have to work on it. But, I did look at the pictures, nice!
I feel like I shouldn't be posting this, that I should be trying harder to get some sensible stuff out of my 'noggin', but I think it's too much energy, for too little return today!!! I just got a post out of Kerry's, thanks chuck! (Call it advertising!!!)
It's raining outside, my son is doing my housework, so i'm just going to sit here and take a rest, then perhaps some rag-rugging may be on the cards...... very mindless - good!
I am so pleased to say 'Hi' to Kerry again, she has been quite unwell but is back in 'cyber-space' and blogging over at Lemonaide-online (link is on my blogroll). Her posts are always thoughtful and poignant...... if it's thoughtful and poignant you need, Kerry's your woman!
She has written her latest post, which I'm afraid to say I can't read at the moment, and I so want to, as the comments about it speak very highly! I'll have to work on it. But, I did look at the pictures, nice!
I feel like I shouldn't be posting this, that I should be trying harder to get some sensible stuff out of my 'noggin', but I think it's too much energy, for too little return today!!! I just got a post out of Kerry's, thanks chuck! (Call it advertising!!!)
It's raining outside, my son is doing my housework, so i'm just going to sit here and take a rest, then perhaps some rag-rugging may be on the cards...... very mindless - good!
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Creativity Rocks!
Inspiration, inspiration, inspiration....! Where does it come from? Asda, Walmart, Tesco? Nothing that simple I'm afraid, has to come from the brain, the very thing that doesn't work so well these days!
Mine is fried by any new thought, anything I've got to turn my attention to, which I was unprepared for.
I often seem to be frying brains, the menu needs to change around here - ! My personal thoughts and creativity leave me when the brain is frying, and that's so hard. My need to switch off the head and relax/be creative, is so much greater, but because it takes longer to get through a simple chain of thought, the time left over for relaxing the 'melon' gets less and less.
I do find myself getting stressed out if I've not had the chance to think things out properly, then I forget details and it all gets messy in my head. I try to avoid that, my house is messy enough, but I like a nice tidy head! (Perhaps I need a cleaner!?? or, a head-hoover!!!)
Because of this I admire creativity in others so much more. Especially in my fellow 'Elephant Carriers', as we have to be really dedicated to create at all. I especially enjoy words, the meaningful ones that 'speak' to me when I need them to. My great friend at 'Lemon-aid'- Kerry, is great at finding quotes and poems which are meaningful. Thanks Kerry! (run over to check her blog....She's a fine woman, and an honest and thoughtful blogger! The link is on my page!)
I have also become fb friends with a very talented gal, Stacy. She writes and records songs whilst sitting under elephants herself. I listen to her songs so much when I need the meaningful lyrics to speak to me. Especially the ones she writes about her experiences of M.E. She's kindly allowed me free hand to put some of her lyrics here, Stacy, thankyou, I have indeed- 'filled my boots'!
I know the process isn't easy, but her determination, honesty and attitude is inspiring- you blushing yet Stacy !???
I'll shut up- here's a taster of Stacy's lyrics, my favourite song- 'Weary Bones'
'Lift up these weary bones and wrap them safely in your arms,
Let me take some shelter till my stormy world is calm.
Let me catch my breath, regain my strength,
Put me on my feet.
But for a day or two I'm asking you,
Oh, will you carry me?
Just for a little while, yeah?
Just for a little while.'
Here's the link to her song, to hear how lovely it is, maybe it will 'speak' to you guys too.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.reverbnation.com%2Fplay_now%2Fsong_2502394&h=1e3e4
Mine is fried by any new thought, anything I've got to turn my attention to, which I was unprepared for.
I often seem to be frying brains, the menu needs to change around here - ! My personal thoughts and creativity leave me when the brain is frying, and that's so hard. My need to switch off the head and relax/be creative, is so much greater, but because it takes longer to get through a simple chain of thought, the time left over for relaxing the 'melon' gets less and less.
I do find myself getting stressed out if I've not had the chance to think things out properly, then I forget details and it all gets messy in my head. I try to avoid that, my house is messy enough, but I like a nice tidy head! (Perhaps I need a cleaner!?? or, a head-hoover!!!)
Because of this I admire creativity in others so much more. Especially in my fellow 'Elephant Carriers', as we have to be really dedicated to create at all. I especially enjoy words, the meaningful ones that 'speak' to me when I need them to. My great friend at 'Lemon-aid'- Kerry, is great at finding quotes and poems which are meaningful. Thanks Kerry! (run over to check her blog....She's a fine woman, and an honest and thoughtful blogger! The link is on my page!)
I have also become fb friends with a very talented gal, Stacy. She writes and records songs whilst sitting under elephants herself. I listen to her songs so much when I need the meaningful lyrics to speak to me. Especially the ones she writes about her experiences of M.E. She's kindly allowed me free hand to put some of her lyrics here, Stacy, thankyou, I have indeed- 'filled my boots'!
I know the process isn't easy, but her determination, honesty and attitude is inspiring- you blushing yet Stacy !???
I'll shut up- here's a taster of Stacy's lyrics, my favourite song- 'Weary Bones'
'Lift up these weary bones and wrap them safely in your arms,
Let me take some shelter till my stormy world is calm.
Let me catch my breath, regain my strength,
Put me on my feet.
But for a day or two I'm asking you,
Oh, will you carry me?
Just for a little while, yeah?
Just for a little while.'
Here's the link to her song, to hear how lovely it is, maybe it will 'speak' to you guys too.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.reverbnation.com%2Fplay_now%2Fsong_2502394&h=1e3e4
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
.......??!!
Long time no see!
I've been having some trouble getting a blog organised in my swirling blob of senseless brain! One of the most difficult challenges I have with my M.E./CFS (or my elephant, if you're not sick of the analogy by now!) is coping with reading, and writing text.
Just organising the thoughts, finding words that sound like they came from an earthling, (not some alien creature with a 'Teach Yourself English' phrasebook!) and then getting them down in print is a mammoth task for me. I'm often starting blogs, then after a few minutes I'm left disorientated and exhausted by the effort. In real pain and sensory meltdown.
To M.E./CFS newbies this must seem very weird, and kind of irrational-as sometimes I manage to string the sentences together almost coherently!
I can't write if I'm tired, shaking, in too much pain, being spoken to, or there's ANY kind of background noise. I need total quiet to have a chance of having a clear enough stream of thoughts.
I'm struggling big time just now, thinking about packing this blog in, as my husband (never gets it -Bless him!) has been in my bedroom giving me a rundown of something that happened to him yesterday. I know if I tell him to tell me later he'll be upset, so I just sit, and my brain loses all train of thought.
He's gone now, but my train has gone with him! VERY frustrating as I've been struggling with this all week!
It's almost a physical sensation. I'll try to describe it whilst it's happening, excuse any bad or mixed up sentences from here on.....
My head feels different, solid almost. I'm trying to find words and sentences to describe it but a list is easier-
heavy, turmoil, chaos, over-capacity, confusion, jammed up, can't think a thought to it's end - it gets lost-I get lost! I must stop-not the blog post I had in mind today, but I can't remember what it was. Maybe we have hubby to thank!
Humour-gone, coherency-gone, thinking-gone. Sorry!
I will be back !
I've been having some trouble getting a blog organised in my swirling blob of senseless brain! One of the most difficult challenges I have with my M.E./CFS (or my elephant, if you're not sick of the analogy by now!) is coping with reading, and writing text.
Just organising the thoughts, finding words that sound like they came from an earthling, (not some alien creature with a 'Teach Yourself English' phrasebook!) and then getting them down in print is a mammoth task for me. I'm often starting blogs, then after a few minutes I'm left disorientated and exhausted by the effort. In real pain and sensory meltdown.
To M.E./CFS newbies this must seem very weird, and kind of irrational-as sometimes I manage to string the sentences together almost coherently!
I can't write if I'm tired, shaking, in too much pain, being spoken to, or there's ANY kind of background noise. I need total quiet to have a chance of having a clear enough stream of thoughts.
I'm struggling big time just now, thinking about packing this blog in, as my husband (never gets it -Bless him!) has been in my bedroom giving me a rundown of something that happened to him yesterday. I know if I tell him to tell me later he'll be upset, so I just sit, and my brain loses all train of thought.
He's gone now, but my train has gone with him! VERY frustrating as I've been struggling with this all week!
It's almost a physical sensation. I'll try to describe it whilst it's happening, excuse any bad or mixed up sentences from here on.....
My head feels different, solid almost. I'm trying to find words and sentences to describe it but a list is easier-
heavy, turmoil, chaos, over-capacity, confusion, jammed up, can't think a thought to it's end - it gets lost-I get lost! I must stop-not the blog post I had in mind today, but I can't remember what it was. Maybe we have hubby to thank!
Humour-gone, coherency-gone, thinking-gone. Sorry!
I will be back !
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