23- This is how many times I've started this post this morning....! Oh the things my head is and isn't doing today. It's a painful mess of whizzing/flickering thoughts, images and snippets of remembered sounds.
On days like these I can best describe my head as 'concrete' in the mist.....! The mist swirls with these unwanted and incredibly random thoughts and 'stuff'. If I try to navigate through this mist, to think properly, I eventually get to the concrete.....this is what has happened to the rest of my brain!
(It's now much later, it's exhausting this blogging, especially when someone has concreted the inside of my head!)
It feels physically heavy and 'set'. Not in a nice 'set yogurt' or 'jelly (jello)' kind of way, but definitely concrete.
Thinking and trying to be creative (blogging etc) through this is incredible, and I think i'm going on about it too much, but today I'm really struggling and have to admit to that! I can't remember a time it was ever this bad!
It's not going to be a post with a point, I'm just resigned to that after hours of trying to write and failing,......!
This is probably my most debilitating symptom, and certainly hard to describe to others, especially our nearest, dearest and interested others. Hubby has retreated, as he can see how tough i'm finding it today.
I hope you all have a concrete-free day!
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I get this when I'm badly fatigued and it is not a nice place to be. The only thing to do is surrender and cut down as much sensory stimulation as possible. Sleep is pretty elusive too, and thoughts seem impossible to finish. Rest, rest, rest. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteYour description is perfect, Zarla. Concrete in the mind. I have days like that (and of course those were days I could not possibly work on the book!). I think of it as being hit in the head with a big rig truck. I just can't get anything to function.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing about it even though it was hard to do.
Wow, how you pin-pointedly describe (this post and previous) what our ME/CFS brains feel like! Love it "concrete in the mist"- and yes running into that concrete hurts!... and the swirling before it doesn't feel good either.
ReplyDeleteThe cognitive struggles are incredibly humbling. I find I want to wear a sign that says "really I'm an intelligent human being...just having a hard time reaching the intelligent part...but its there!"
Actually, I'd want to write something with less words and much more clever, that would fit on a button, but no way is that coming out of my brain today.
I love that you write about what it feels like to live in a ME/CFS brain--an important aspect of this disease and that you hit the nail on the head (hey, that's also what it feels like--our brain's being the nail). You're spreading awareness!
Hope your brain and you are able to rest... Love, Kerry
I'm so sorry that you guys go through this too, thank you for taking the time to read, and your lovely comments!
ReplyDeleteJo, I know you're right about the resting, it does help, Thankyou. I'll stay in my quiet yurt all day today!
Toni, Owch! I don't like the thought of trucks heading towards you at all.... look after your brain, stay off that freeway!
Kerry, Thankyou for your encouragement chuck. I blog about this as it's my worst challenge just lately, and not always written about so much as other ME/CFS stuff.
Take care all, here's to calm and concrete free heads!
Zarla
xxx