Saturday, 31 July 2010

Reality check!

I love to blog about doing lovely things, as in the last post, 'I Follow Humbly'. This is unfortunately not always the reality of life however. I managed that Lark Rise trip through careful planning and taking it easy in the days leading up to it, so that I could enjoy it. Thankfully it paid off and I had a great time.

Since that trip things have conspired to bring me back to earth with a 'thump'! It is sometimes my own doing, cos I push myself to my limits (and sometimes beyond em) but this time I am largely blameless!

Work has been more than usually stressful this last couple of months, building nicely into a semi permanent 'teetering on the edge of crash' state! I find I am unable to sort a particularly knotty issue out, caused by circumstances out of my control, all getting a bit much with this illness that hates stress.

Whilst my energy levels have been worse there are the usual culprits that appear when things aren't going so well. That bone crushing, aching tiredness and weakness that can stop you in your tracks sometimes- the body that's suddenly too heavy to take another step, and a brain that might be able to do the Times crossword one minute but can't find the words I need to complete a sentence the next, (sorry, that's not strictly true-I don't think I could do the Times crossword even when well!) Hearing sensitivities, tremors, muscle spasms and brain-fuzz of the most debilitating 'I can't remember what i am supposed to be saying' kind are also here and look like they're staying!

I am prone to muscle spasms in all sorts of odd places but my lower tummy has been really troublesome just lately, with horribly painful spasms and tension in the area around my pelvic floor muscles. I just cant relax them at all, night or day. Night is worse as lying down seems to make the pain more sleep for days now! Is this just my own brand of ME/CFS or do others get similar symptoms too?

Things aren't always good in anyone's life, they're sometimes very hard, painful, lonely and frustrating but I have an unshakeable faith that things do change, and hopefully for the better.

Will someone remind me of this please, when I'm mired in pain, fatigue and a basement low mood!? It's sure to happen, not as yet as I am definitely upbeat, but, as they say, "it's not over till the fat lady sings!" (But, don't worry, I'M keeping MY mouth firmly glued shut!!!!!)


  1. This sounds a bit grim and all too familiar. Just wondering if you might have an infection? I get low down pain and debilitated with Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, and/or good old thrush. Sometimes it's my IBS. If the pain has gone on a while I'd be inclined to visit the doc or the nurse even if you think you know what it is.

    Hope you feel a bit better soon :-)

  2. Hi Jo,
    Thanks for your concern chuck. I've been having this for a number of years and have been tested for all sorts of stuff. Everyone seems to agree it's muscular.

    Unfortunately it is made worse when I am stressed for any long period, and at the mo I have a prolonged situation that is definitely stressful!

    When I feel it coming on I can often get rid of it by sitting in a certain position and completely relaxing for an hour or so.

    But if I can't do that for any reason, then I'm stuck with the pain and spasms for as many days/weeks as it lasts.

    The total sleeplessness it brings doesn't help to de-stress me either!

    It's feeling a little better just now, I have some days off work and a chance to relax a bit.

    Here's to better days for us all!


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