Saturday, 5 June 2010

42 !

Mmmm, I have a knotty problem that I'm wrestling with just now, it's hijacking my thoughts even though I'm trying to keep it out. It's nothing to do with ponies, drays, Sylvia, rag-rugs or any of the other 'stars' of my recent blogs. (In fact after how BADLY Merlin behaved yesterday, I'm more than happy not to talk about him!!!) No, this is about a very real issue for me, and one I've been trying to ignore for far too long.

My 'normal' existence is usually work Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday is largely spent in bed, sofa, hammock, feeling pretty sick and trying to rest up for Thursday and Friday at work again. The weekends are busy, things to be done, errands to do, we visit and work with the pony only at the weekends too. I manage a morning out of bed, or the afternoon, but not both. All this activity and still expecting to be rested for the next week's onslaught, and to do it all over again! ALL VERY EXHAUSTING!

Why am I trying to keep up this level of activity, of normality? I'm not sure. Is it because I'm not ready to admit that I'm not well enough to manage daily life like I used to, or maybe I'm scared that if I give something up I am giving in to this disease? I think it's maybe a complicated and scary mix of the two, plus many other little niggles mixed in for good measure.

What I have come to realise is that after just 7 consecutive days at home, not doing much more than eating, resting, an occasional spot of seed planting or garden watering, I feel rejuvenated! I have enough oomph to get me through the day without feeling like I'm about to fall over with exhaustion. I have even had the spare oomph to socialise a little too!

I can think much better, my neurological symptoms, mainly my horrific sound and light sensitivities have receded to a level that doesn't involve earplugs or leaving the room when the TV is on. Hey, this means I now have to put up with the awful TV that my son watches, I haven't an excuse-"Bring on the Wall"! (Sorry, it's the most apalling British program-'The Wall', google it... it's terrible!)

How to change things though? Now that's a question I've been working on for many a year! It's like 'DEEP THOUGHT'- the computer in Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy - all that time to ponder the ultimate question, the answer to life, the universe and everything turned out to be 42! A confusing solution that made no sense, and threw up countless other questions -hey! Sounds familiar!

I think what I'm saying is, I know working puts me on self-destruct mode health-wise, but can't really see what else I can usefully do! Just wish we had a bit more cash about the place, but I don't suppose I'm alone in that wish hey?!?!?

Elephants really are the worst of animals! Not those lovely lumbering grey monsters that move majestically over the plains of Africa. No, I'm talking about the sneaky, scary, debilitating ones who plague the lives of many sick people by, well, sitting on them!!!


  1. This is so tough, Zarla. I faced the same dilemma about work although, in the end, I had no choice. My body just gave out and I had to stop working. But I had a decent pension and so, aside from tightening our budget a bit, we've gotten by okay with a smaller income from me.

    As for what to do with my time, again I think my choices were easier because at the time I stopped working, I was so sick that I couldn't do anything anyway. I did have to mourn the loss of my career (sometimes that seemed like a full time job in itself). But slowly, I found my way into other interests and now "law professor" almost feels like a career that belonged to someone else.

    I'm interested to see what others have to say here.

    All in all though, I think this discovery you've made is a good thing because it opens the door for re-thinking your life and maybe making some changes.

  2. Thankyou for your insight and experiences Toni, I'm truly happy to have met you!
    I put the whole thing to my hubby last night, how I was thinking and feeling etc...

    Mmm, less than satisfactory response. I think I just have to be resigned to working as much as my body allows for the foreseeable future.

    Fingers crossed I make it work-but these elephants can really ruin your schedule and your day!

    I'm very happy for you, that you have found your happiness in other areas, our careers seem to be vitally important to who we are don't they?

    What's the question always asked when you meet someone new? "And what do you do?"

    Thank you again Toni, take care of you-!

  3. My feel-good few days are over, back to the old faithful symptoms! And after only 2 days of work - a record I think!!!

    At least I'm only wiped out, have tremors and a sore throat, I just hate it when the sensitivities and neuro issues really strike! A walk in the park, comparitively speaking!

  4. Yay! Just noticed we have a new follower, Helen, a good friend of mine.
    Welcome Helen, glad you worked out how to follow the blog, told you it was easy!

    Now all you gotta do is comment on something and you're a fully fledged member dude!!!



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