It's a bit of a special day today, exactly a year since the accident that was most likely the cause of my latest ME/CFS crash, which caught up with me about a week later.
My son and I were out on our pony carriage, I was having a period of OK-ish health so all was good. The edited version of events was that a large dog jumped out at my pony's head, so he jumped onto the grass verge to get away, taking the carriage and us with him. This would have been OK if the verge were flat, but it was very steeply sloped and so the carriage went over and we were flung out. My son was shocked and a little winded (they bounce at 15 don't they!) and I broke a bone in my back (didn't do the bouncing thing quite so well huh!).
A couple of days later I began to feel unwell, but as all I could do was stand or lie down, I was resting as much as I was able to in the painfull circumstances! Things started to really catch up with me about a week later and ended up in a full blown crash, hearing, eyes, brain, skin tingles, pain, stiffness, balance, energy, nausea, spaced out, etc etc, you name it, I had taken a delivery of it!
My usual pattern of crash and recovery has always been fairly good, usually a slow build up to a crash, feeling it creep up on me over a month or so, then 2 or 3 months off work and back to where I was before. The whole episode lasting about 5 months from crash to full time work again.
I was not prepared for the impact (if that's the most apt word) that this relapse would have on me.
I returned to work in December last year, and have had a year of illness and struggles to keep my head above water at work, starting on just 2 part-mornings a week, and building up.
A whole year later and I am still struggling with hearing issues, skin sensations and aches and pains. I am stiff and a bit clumsy, but not nearly so bad. 'Concrete-brain' and word finding are horrendous. My stamina and energy are still much reduced compared to 'pre-carriage stunt' levels, and I have come to the conclusion that I am probably going to stay like this, certainly for the time being.
If I had taken more time off work would I have made a better recovery? Has pushing myself this year taken it's toll? Is this why I'm still this ill? Who knows, we all do what we think is best at the time and that's fine.
It's been the most life changing year so far, I have had to reduce what I do for the longest period since I was first ill, in 2000. I've done a lot of accepting!
Not meaning to sound cheesy, I am more settled with my illness and state of health than ever before. My husband is more accepting, which makes a huge difference to everything, and I've stopped feeling so guilty and trying to deny it all the time. I now have friends with ME/CFS too, it's all made a much happier me!
I know I moan and grumble but just imagine what I WOULD have been like!