Free Food and No Energy!

I love to forage for free, wild food. Just now is the forager's busy season, with Elderberries, Blackberries, Crabapples, Rosehips, Mushrooms, Damsons, Plums, Sloes, Rowanberries and Hawthorn Berries, not to mention the usual staples of this time of year such as Pears, Rhubarb, Apples and all the veg from our plot and that given by friends.

The only problem with all this foraging is that you have to DO SOMETHING with it all once you have it home! Well, I have managed to make some Damson Jam and Apple and Blackberry Cheese over the last couple of weeks, but that's nothing to what I want to be doing.

In my kitchen I have Rhubarb stalks, Plums and Damsons from our garden and a huge basket of Pears which were kindly donated to us. I need to use them.

Yesterday I had a day to myself, nobody else about ALL DAY-a real and rare treat for me! I had made plans to make some pear cakes, fruit vodka, plum jam, and then maybe relax with my rag rugging as I've got to finish a little rug for a friend.

ME STRIKES AGAIN! I got up and stripped my bed, then I began to feel the familiar 'full of rocks' heaviness creeping up on me. Poo, Bum and Pants!!!

The day went like this...-10 minutes upright, resulting in feeling so weak and ill that even I couldn't be stubborn enough to continue. Return to my bed or the sofa, close my eyes and wait it out till I feel a little better. Another 10 minutes up and repeat the same monotonous routine over and over. I was sooooo frustrated not to have achieved a fraction of what I wanted to do. I managed to make pear cakes but it took most of the day, working a little at a time and falling back onto the sofa to rest in between.

Early afternoon I gave up trying and retired to the bed to sleep properly, which did help I am pleased to say. My evening got a little more energetic, and I managed a nice cup of tea with my old friend Sylvia (my traveller friend from earlier blogs).

But I am still frustrated at my lack of ability again, I know I sound like a cracked record, but that's the nature of the illness we face.... it's a monotonous and relentless slog against odds which sometimes seem very stacked against us.

Yes, dear reader, I'm having a tough time again and a grumble does us all good...... I just had mine, feel free to leave me yours!

Fair's fair!

Eating for 2!

It's been a funny kind of a day! I've not been having a good one, and, if i'm honest my body has been grumbling for a good while, but I've been ignoring it's 'SOS' signals!

I have carried on pushing myself further than I should, but in my defence, Hey, I have no defence...! I just tried to be a Mum, wife, cleaner, daughter, friend, worker, and all those other roles we take on! I just tried a little too hard that's all.

It's not serious, I'll be OK, just feels pretty rubbish whilst I'm in the middle of it all. My mood drops to basement level, and I get really short tempered! Not to mention all the physical symptoms that roll in or worsen (no, really, best not mentioned!)

But, if I could just ask, one of my less severe symptoms in a moderate 'crash' like this is excessive hunger. Is it just me or does anyone else have to eat every two/three hours? Terrible what our 'elephant' makes us do....! Hey, I'm eating for two!

If/when I'm able to, I cover my back by using humour to lift my own spirits, it works eventually, and I can start to see the black cloud dissipating. It just might take a couple more days this time................!

If you feel you can share, how do you guys keep your outlook fairly rosy? Any suggestions will be gratefully recieved. Let's face it, things can be pretty bleak sometimes, but life goes on.........

All the very best to you reader, thankyou for sticking with me in this fairly low mood I find myself in, here's to it 'clearing off' as soon as possible, and hoping we all stay as cheery and well as we can.

take care!

Myself to blame...!

Well, it had to happen didn't it? I only have myself to blame today, the payback for being healthy enough to go out and do something lovely yesterday has me in it's clutches. That elephant is HUGE - he's dancing on me from head to foot this morning....

Enough of him, lets talk about the 'something lovely'.

I own a pretty cute pony and carriage, as you can see he is a very good boy. My hubby and I took him out yesterday for a trot through the most gorgeous countryside and villages. The sun was out, roads were quiet, pony was happy-blissful! Heck, I even got to talk to hubby about some stuff that had been bothering me.... can it get any better?

The sound of hooves on the road, birds in the hedgerow, and distant farm machinery heralding the start of the farmer's busy season, spring had finally got sunny. We had to stop for photographs, people often leap outta cars and snap us as we pass by - or people in the villages smile and greet us. It really is the most wonderful way to bring on payback, that i know.

But, (and there always is one isn't there?) by the time we trotted back into the driveway, I knew I had overdone my day. The dragging feeling had taken my strength, it was all i could do to climb down and lead Merlin away. Hubby sorted him out, fed him and put him away for me and I came home to bed. Which, if I'm honest, is where I've been ever since - but what a way to get payback??!!

I know that people who see me driving the pony, smiling and enjoying myself, cannot comprehend how it affects me when I do this. They don't see how much pain I have, or the muscle weakness/shaking, headaches, neck and spine that is sore to touch, skin sensations, dizziness and treacle-thinking frustration that hits me soon afterwards. Maybe if they did, my life might be easier.

Should we allow our friends to see us when we are bad? I allowed one once, and after a long time had passed (I think she needed recovery time too!!!) she contacted me and we are still friends, but with a new understanding - I know she believes and understands me better now. Should we let our close friends in to see us at our worst-payback? Would this finish or strengthen a friendship? I dunno, and don't really want to experiment, the stakes are too high.